Day 48 (Wed - 2/17)

I packed my clothes hoping I would be able to get out for a run at work, or at least a chance to work out a bit at the health center. However, deep down I knew that with the short week there would be little chance to break away. It was overall a pretty productive day and last night I came to a new realization.

In our culture, when we are asked “what do you do” (AKA: “who are you”) we typically answer with our job title or a brief description of our current occupation. I was meditating on that question and came to a new conclusion. What do I do? Well, I am a father, a husband, and an amateur athlete. Making that statement or reframing my perspective on this provides me with a feeling of freedom. If I loose my job or decide to peruse other interests I will not loose “what I do” or “what I am” in the process because “what I do” is more central (core) than my occupation is.

I know it seems small, but it is amazing what impact a small shift in our perceptions has on our realities. With the personal cost of risk being lowered at work I can shift from a protectionist posture (“we can’t do that because…”) to a more risk taking “move it forward” leader (“I will clear the barriers to move this forward despite the risk it may not be perfect”).

This is not to say that all of a sudden I no longer care about my job or am cavalier about the decisions I make. On the contrary I need to work in order to support what I do and being an athlete I naturally want to excel at whatever I spend my time doing (and 40 + hours a week is no small amount of time). My occupation must fulfill the requirements to be placed in my window of success (time with family, impact on organization, provisions for family) and this job does that. I am motivated by my project and the room for growth. It is simply a relief that as I grow and make mistakes I will not risk loosing myself in the process.

I have had the ineffective, disorganized, and delegation conversation with two trusted mentors who both gave me sound advice and their votes of confidence that I am not ineffective, just going through a process that sometimes hurts like change does.

I am looking forward to my staycation when I plan to get myself rooted in my new framing. Chalk today up to a rest day.